My Birth Story- The RAW truth
Let me start by saying… Knowing you are about to give birth is so exciting! Months of planning and preparation leads to this amazing moment in every parent’s life. I still cannot even believe this really happened… Except for that sleeping baby in the other room. 🙂
This is MY birth story… I believe everything happens exactly the way it is supposed to happen, otherwise it wouldn’t have happened at all 🙂
After feelings of happiness, sadness, excitements, self-doubts, what ifs, guilt, anger, disappointment, just about every possible human emotion, about 8 weeks later I have finally decided to write my birth story. ( and 1 year later I’m finally putting it on my first blog)
I have battled with whether or not to share this blog, but I decided that if I help one mama then it is worth it! I have talked to so many mom’s who felt like they had to “mourn” their birth plan. Whether they had to have c-sections or ended up with pitocin or epidural, this time in a mama’s life is sacred. Therefore, it sometimes is hard to find peace and acceptance with how the birth turned out. Even though, every mom understands that the most important thing is that baby and mom are safe. With that being said… HERE WE GO….
Let us start with my own quote “I don’t have expectations” (secretly having expectations). My secret/subconscious person wants a birth center birth. Seems simple right… All I wanted was this beautiful peaceful birth I have seen numerous times on hundreds of YouTube videos and my own visualizations. I have been preparing for what feels like my whole life to bring another life into this world with candles lit, dim lighting, warm bath water, eating berries and staying hydrated, as I calmly breathe through each contraction allowing my body to open up. I saw immediate skin-to-skin contact, delayed cord clamping, herbal bath, and no interventions. I saw an end where I was showered and dad was holding baby, and then we peacefully weighed and measured baby. I imagined beautiful pictures of this brand new human on crisp white sheets, and then when all that was done we would load up to go home, and enjoy the bliss of a non-hospital birth. I wanted to prove to myself and to others that I could do this because my beliefs say this is the best/healthiest/most natural way to birth and this is what my body was designed to do…. SO yea definitely some EGO involved … What really happened was actually this biggest life experience yet…
From beginning to end this is what I can remember in my haze of what is left of this weekend long event of 56 hours without sleep (maybe a few 15 minute naps here and there), and about 42 hours of labor. (GUYS this gets graphic so beware)
Friday morning I noticed I had a little more mucus discharge than usual. I remember joking with Ross maybe he should just stay home and say I am in labor, and he joked back saying “Paxton would wait until Friday night”. Haha. All week he had been anticipating not having to go back to work. At this point I was about a week past my due date(s). I had basically stopped believing that I even knew what it was going to feel like to be in labor. Later, I started to feel what I could describe as period cramps off and on. I realized I was in labor around 5-7ish that night. My mom started the timer to track what were possibly very small contractions. I tried to lay and watch a movie with Ross and Kolson, but the contractions were starting to get more intense and laying only made them worse. I rocked in the rocking chair, bounced on the ball, took baths, and walked. This went on for a few hours until I decided to talk to Heidi (my doula) and she came over.
We walked around our apartments, and I was just beginning to learn what these contractions actually felt like. I tried eating, but I wasn’t able to hold any food or water down. I got in the bath and was able to relax more, but the throwing up continued. (If you know me, you know there is nothing I dislike more than vomiting)
We decided to make our way to the birthing center early Saturday morning. This is when things begin to blur. I walked, sat on the birthing ball, did yoga, drank as much as I could. I held onto my husband, my mom, my doula, and continued progressing in labor. I watched the sun come up and then I watched the sun go down, and then I saw the sun come up again, and go down again. It was a long, exhausting, emotional experience. We got to a point when every time I got in the tub, my labor would basically stop. While my midwife was checking my progress my water broke. At this point I was at a 9, and she told us the baby should be here in the next couple hours. I mustered up some energy to get things moving again and when she checked me about an hour after that she told me my cervix was beginning to swell and I was back at a 7…UMMMM…..OKAY…. WHAT….??? (I did not even know that could happen)
I was devastated and just plain exhausted. I wanted to keep trying… but my contractions were not progressing. I had some tough conversations with my doula, with Ross, and ultimately we decided to go to the hospital.
The hospital was my absolute worst fear… I was scared of everything… I was afraid of judgement, feared them taking my baby away, and worst I was afraid of a C-section.
The reality… They were so amazing. My midwife called them ahead and they knew I was headed their way. They met me at the door with a wheel chair and they immediately got me into a room. They started me on an IV and it took about 3.5 bags to get me hydrated properly. At this point, I don’t want to say I gave up as much as gave in… I was exhausted and I just wanted to rest. My midwife recommended an epidural to help give my body a chance to relax, and honestly at this point as much as I feared the epidural I was ready for it. (I’m going to skip the epidural drama 😊 If you want details private message me) Then finally after hours of relaxing with the peanut ball between my legs and resting, it was time to push. I pushed for about 20 minutes and then finally I got to meet the most precious human being in the entire world. Once I had that beautiful little guy in my arms all my worries of a hospital birth disappeared. I had an amazing nurse that came in with the exact energy and spunk I needed to give me and my family confidence that we could still have a successful vaginal birth. The midwife and the nurse delivered our baby without ever having to see the OB. They were so understanding and considerate of all my birth wishes. (BTW… I still got delayed cord clamping, immediate skin-to-skin, midwife assisted birth, no antibiotics, dimmed lighting, and a beautiful baby boy.)
As much as I wanted things to happen differently, I am forever grateful for all the people we had the honor of meeting. I am so thankful for the opportunity to experience almost every type of birth plan all wrapped up in one.
The bottom right picture of baby’s head is the perfect description of the incredible journey we (all humans) take to get into this world, and it is so important for every baby and mom to be adjusted after birth. (Thank goodness for Dr. Taryn Lowery at Peace of Life Chiropractic who helped make those cranials beautiful that night!!)
Special thanks first and foremost to my beautiful, sweet, supportive, and most amazing husband in the entire world! Thank you for always making me feel beautiful and for sticking by my side and supporting my birth wishes and goals. I literally could not have done this without you! Thank you to my amazing mom… who came almost every weekend of my pregnancy to visit and stayed with me for weeks waiting for this precious little guy to come! Thank you for supporting my wishes (even though they made you nervous). Thank you for trusting me and believing in me! It filled my heart with so much joy seeing you there and having you hold me and give me love!! I love you soooo much. Thank you to my rockstar doula Heidi Beck for taking so much time from her family to literally stand by my side the entire process. Her grace and love was exactly what I needed. Thank you to Donna Miller, Jaylnn, and Grace for your love and patience! Thank you to Kolson for watching grandpa, Jake, Duke, and Monkey all weekend!! 🙂
Have a HAPPY day! Thank you for reading! Love you all!